My Story – Anthony Bedward
Starting my journey
I started this course unsure of what would happen next or how far I would be pushed as a person, student, and man. I was on my lunch break and decided I’d check out the local college; there was a Counselling course for six weeks uncredited, and when I spoke with the guidance support, they pointed me in the direction of SPTI.
I applied for the ABC Course on Thursday, and I was accepted and started Monday on the ten-week level 2 qualification. The course was a real eye-opener and allowed me to begin expressing myself and was where I found my space which became my full-time seat for the next few years. I never knew how much I’d lean in this space for support.
I decided to apply for the BSc course, which is when I first met Debs, who would go onto play a significant role for me on my journey. During the interview I was a little nervous and Debs made me feel at ease, but I always feared I would not be able to keep up with uni work. I convinced myself that going to university was never in my plans, so what the hell was I doing here? The interview was tough, and I was expected to show my vulnerable side (which got hidden a lot) and I was asked to reflect on how low things had gotten, if I was able to pick myself up again, and how I could help others if I hadn’t been to dark places myself. I was offered a conditional place as long as I went to the open day. A few months passed, and I just got on with life, but there was still a burning desire for something new as I was in a career was slowly coming to an end. The course was around the corner, but I had to request to start on a certain date as I was going away on holiday.
Difficulty
During my first-year of training I lost my job and was out of work for a while which made buying books and paying for therapy extremely difficult. This is where I have to say studying almost took a backseat as I needed to focus on work as companies only wanted to take someone on who had no other priorities. My family helped an awful lot, and it was difficult for them as we are not a rich family. I had to ask for maintenance support to help fund my studies more than once, but I dug in and continued through the struggle. I got a new job and things were going on and then BANG covid hit. Being able to continue studying was a blessing, but for it was a struggle. I was able to mask and hide during workshops and I started to be missed. During the start of year 2 I failed my first two assignments and felt like I couldn’t continue, I felt I was alone and had nowhere to turn.
My Dyslexia diagnosis
Even therapy was not helping and the only thing that was going well was my working-placement. I had clients who needed me, and this kept me going. I spoke with Debs and explained my struggles with concentrating and keeping up with the work and how I felt like giving up with the course. During this discussion it was pointed out that it may be dyslexia which I never assumed I had. I was put forward for testing and given support with assignments moving forward and slowly things improved. After my assessment for dyslexia, it made a lot of sense of why I always struggled in education, but the sad reality was that it had never been picked up before. This left me realising how unsupported in education I had been. The revelation of this didn’t make workshops any easier, I had to dig in to have extra online sessions whilst balancing two jobs; full time, part time, working in placement with clients.
Setbacks and making a difference
My luck changed again, super, I would go on to lose my full-time job after being furloughed which was not what I needed. No work with bills to pay at this stage I wasn’t sure I could afford to stay on the course again as it was now, therapy, Supervision, group and individual along with a big uni fee at the end of the year. My family again came to the rescue paying fees and bills until I was back in work – without this support I would never have finished. I kept fighting as I knew this was the career for me that I’d always wanted. I stumbled across the line into year 3 and during this time I joined the unity diversity focus group and was part making a difference for future SPTI students, something I will continue .
Beginning the BSc
When I started the course, I was one of two men in a group made up of women. I have no issues with being around so many women but in this capacity not knowing much I felt like I was walking a plank but luckily I knew some familiar faces from the Introductory course which helped a lot. Luck would have it that my space from the foundation training was free and I made the space my own and I felt comfortable in it. I was able to put my earphones in and transport myself elsewhere. I struggled to keep up with the work, but my pride would not allow me to ask for help, which would later become easier. I was struggling to accept the openness of group process (it was like nothing I had been exposed to before) and I had never thought speaking about my issues out in the open would be so difficult. It was crazy for me my chest would fight, my heart would beat loudly, so loud I thought others could hear it.
I slowly got used to taking the space but after a few months had past and I received a phone call from Debs and in no uncertain terms I was told if I did not start my personal therapy in the next week, I would have to restart the course next year or be fully removed from SPTI. There were a few reasons why I had not started personal therapy: one was that financially I was struggling but I never told anyone, two, I felt I didn’t need it (how wrong I was). With little choice I found a therapist who could fit me in short notice and I remember feeling so small in the beginning but I stuck with it and later would admit it was one of the best things I’ve ever done.
Dissertation
I had a new Job that I hated and very un-supportive management, but I knew I had to dig in as my dissertation was now the most important thing. I was going through a lot and therapy helped. I was being supported with my assignments and keeping up with lectures but life was busy and I was spinning so many plates. The course was proving to be every bit as difficult as I was told but I never could I give up like usual and quit. I had purpose and I wanted a better future for myself so I couldn’t give up. Things were going on then BANG my laptop gets stolen with my dissertation on it and I was devastated. I thought ‘now what?’ but my supervisor luckily had and up to date copy and I was able to continue with an extension. Eventually I handed in my work. I was done, that was it, plates stopped spinning. I only had one more issue to deal with which was work after being hit with a barrage of racial abuse and a lack of support from the company. I decided to hand in my notice as I deserved more.
So fast forward to now: I’m a qualified counsellor who now works as a trauma therapist for a charitable organisation called IMARA who look after victims of sexual abuse along with starting my own business called A2B Therapy. The training that got me here is nothing but worthwhile – even if you have to dig deep and you are pushed to new places – and I’m so glad I stuck in. Who knows maybe a masters at the SPTI could be in my future.
Thank you SPTI for all the support along the way.
